Someday after today
by TheCatInTheShadows
Summary: Is Merlin's sacrifice too much? Short story. whump, angst, no slash.
1. Run

Arthur slumped on his knees.

His palms sank to the cold ground and he breathed deeply.

In. Out.

_Breathe_.

_He is alive. He is alive. He must be alive. _

_Breathe._

Arthur closed his eyes.

_Merlin!_

He couldn't do anything, he couldn't even help himself.

They had lost him.

_He_ had lost him. His head went down and a sob shook his body.

_Forgive me. Forgive me._

How much he regretted what he had said.

_Get up! You can't stay here! You can't let him die in vain. _

Arthur scrambled up.

_He must be alive!_

And Arthur ran.

He ran like a devil on his heels. Through the woods, through the river and cold water and ice.

_He doesn't know how to back down, never._

_Maybe we have a chance._

_Maybe he is still alive._

_His magic…_

_Forgive me!_

For a moment the tears blinded him, and he stumbled.

_Why I didn't listened him. I was blind. So blind._

"Help him, help him…" Arthur whispered when someone received him. Strong arms wrapped around him, supported him, helped to continue.

"You're safe now."

"Merlin… He…"

"He betrayed us."

Arthur shook his head. No Merlin. Never Merlin.

"No, no, you don't understand! Merlin saved me! He… He and Gwaine… Gwaine knew. He knew, and he helped Merlin. And they got me safe. But Gwaine got shot. And Merlin… He has to be alive."

"But Merlin has magic…"

"Yes, he has. And I though… But I was so wrong…. I didn't listened him before it was too late… But he got me safe… He and Gwaine…"

Silence.

There weren't any more words to say out.

No one moved.

They looked their king who was stained with blood.

"Then we go and we found him." Someone said finally.

Arthur looked up.

Percival.

"If just to gain their bodies back to those who miss them." The knight said.

And Arthur nodded.

_He must be alive._

* * *

_No, English isn't my language so I'm sorry for any mistakes._

_I can only hope that you still enjoy my little stories like usually. _


	2. Walk

He had hit his head hard. Too hard. Everything was a mess. The memories rolled over him and he dragged along someone that he knew, but who was mixed up in his memories like a vague shadow.

_This way._

_Walk._

_Walk and you're safe. _

_Walk or you die._

_To the dawn of the light._

"Mer…n."

He looked the man beside of him.

Blood.

Too much blood.

"Lea - - me."

"No."

He couldn't do that. He didn't know why. He didn't remember why.

_Walk_, his heard said.

He closed his eyes.

_You find a way._

_Walk._

_Out of the dark._

"Merlin…"

"I can't remember." He said.

Silence.

"Arthur… he … will come."

Another name. Another memory. Another shadow in his mind.

"Who?"

"Oh…"

Silence.

"Do- remember—spell?"

_Magic._

"No."

"You- have to. Just- believe- self."

Too much blood.

Too much memories to remember.

"Out of the dark…"

"That's it."

"To the light of the dawn…"

"Hurry."

He tried.

_Its hurt._

"Hear the voice of heart…"

_Believe even if you don't remember._

"Deep inside of Earth…"

_Believe!_

"Show the way!"

Then there wasn't nothing but a light.


	3. Wait

"We found them!"

_Thank you, thank you…_

Arthur ran after Leon.

"Leon, are they…" he couldn't ask it. He watched Leon's grim face. He felt like the ground was disappeared above him and he struggled to keep going. "No…" he whispered.

Leon turned and led the way, hiding his face. "Gaius is on his way. I send the word to him first."

"Good, good." His king muttered behind him. Leon couldn't say anything more.

He was blaming himself not believing Merlin.

He had turned his back and tried to kill Merlin, who was just protected them all. And now…

"Is it too late?" The king asked finally, his voice almost breaking. Leon wanted to stop and turn and convince that they were all right, both of them, but… He couldn't say anything. His speed fastened although he knew how badly Arthur was hurt and was struggling to keep himself on move.

"Leon?"

"You see yourself."

And all of them headed there where they were laying on the ground.

Gaius arrived in same time on the clearing. Middle of it was two figure. Percival was leaning over them, the others were waiting around, not coming closer.

"Merlin…" Arthur stopped. He couldn't breath.

"Merlin!" Gaius ran and Arthur couldn't go. Percival stepped back but Gaius commanded him to stay and help.

And they all watched.

Waited.

And finally, Gwaine moved a bit.

Arthur closed his eyes.

Gaius started to yell commands, his voice rigid, demanding.

And everyone obeyed, but Arthur couldn't but just stare anxiously.

Merlin, he's not moving, he's not…

And all the power what was left finally flowed away from him. Leon caught him.

"You have to rest…"

Arthur shook his head, not turning his gaze away from Merlin still body.

_My fault. All because I was such a prat. My fault. All of this._


	4. Wake

"You should wake up."

_Why?_

.

"Please, just, please. I'm so sorry. I made a mistake. I didn't understood. I should have trusted you, because I know you. Merlin…

_Merlin?_

_Who is Merlin?_

.

"It had been month already. Why you're still sleeping?"

_Tired._

.

"Gaius, tell me, will he ever…"

…

"I don't know."

_You worry over me? Why? _

.

He hadn't heard any voices speaking to him in long time. He realized that he missed them. But he was still sleepy. He couldn't feel anything. He was just floating over the light. Alone.

_Arthur?_

.

New voice.

"You saved me. Back then, when I was ready to give up, you didn't let go of me. Again, I… Merlin, everyone is waiting you. Arthur has almost… No, he has given up. He blames himself of everything. Although I explained the way things were. Even though I said that the spell probably was just too much to you, that we just have to wait for you to come back. And I will not let go now. I will wait and one day, Arthur realizes it, too."

Gwaine…

.

.

Eyes hurt. The light was not bright, but it was different. It was quiet. He turned his head, trying to understand where he was.

"A-ur ..."

His throat hurt.

"Wa-r ... so-one ..." He reached his hand but the movements made him howl in pain. He closed his eyes, pushed the pain away and relaxed. He heard the quick steps, the door opens.

"Merlin?"

Old voice. Too old voice. Hopeful voice.

"Ga-s ..."

"My son, my dear son."

"Do - cry."

But he couldn't stop him for crying.

"Hu—t."

"You haven't move at all for two months Merlin. We didn't know. I didn't know until Gwaine finally told us. He's alive. Thanks to you. Thanks to you, we are all alive."

Water on his lips.

"Arthur…"

Silence.

Merlin opened his eyes, watching his mentor. Gaius smiled.

"He just left. He stopped coming here everyday, waiting you. The guilt grow too much. But then Gwaine said something and after that he had sit here every evening, not speaking, just waiting, and watching you."

Merlin followed when Gaius turned his head to look the corner of the room.

"He is exhausted. He often falls asleep in here. He's building the city with the others. The castle is almost ready."

They watched the sleeping king.

"Tired…"

"I make something to pain. Rest."

And this time, Merlin didn't saw any light, just wonderful wonderful dreams.

* * *

_I'm glad to know that there is some who like this style of mine, although I don't write like this so often. One more chapter?_


	5. Forgive

"Had they spoke yet?"

"No."

"Anything?"

"No."

"Good grief. Have you?"

"No."

"What's matters you all? Is that so hard to just say '_I'm sorry'_?

"Yes."

Gwaine glared Leon who moved uncomfortably.

"Is it because of his magic?"

"No."

"So, it's because you were wrong about him."

Leon didn't answer. He couldn't.

"Someday, if not today, you have to face him."

"I know. How's he anyway?"

"Good. Better every day. Can move again. But…"

Leon turned to watch Gwaine but the knight turned his head other way.

"He still can't remember?"

"Some things are amiss. How's the rebuilding?"

"Good. Good. The druids are helping a lot."

"Good thing that Arthur chanced the law." Gwaine snarled and again Leon turned away.

"Yes."

"So, nothing new then?"

"No."

"Maybe…"

"Shut up Gwaine, just, shut up."

.

"I destroyed half of the city." Merlin murmured, watching out of his window. _Why? Why I can't remember. _They_ remember._

"No one blame you." Gwen smiled, her hand flying on the fabric.

"But it was my fault." _Was it too much? What happened?_

"No it wasn't. It was _her_. And she is dead now. "

_She…_

Merlin turned to watch her. Guinevere, how beautiful she was, fireplace's golden fire on her skin.

"I can't remember her."

"Maybe that's good. I remember her too clearly and I don't want to." Gwen looked up on her work, her hand stopped.

_Is it? But if I make same mistake again? What then? Was my sacrifice too much? How many get killed because of me and I can't even remember!_

"What happened, it's all gone Merlin. You, Arthur, everyone else have to move on. We have future now. We have new enemies lurking on the corner. Someday, you remember, but now, you have to face what is now, here. And we need you."

"You need my power."

"Yes." Gwen stood up and walked front of him. She hugged him. "But we also need _you_ Merlin."

"Everything is chanced." Merlin whispered._ It _was_ too much. I know it. I want to remember…_

"No. You and Arthur just think so but, I know both of you. And I know how much you need each others. You have to face him. Soon."

Merlin hugged her.

"Thank you."

"I thank you Merlin. You sacrificed yourself for us. No one can ask more from a friend. No one should ask anything like that from any friend. "

_You asked too much from me, but…_

"I do anything to you." Merlin whispered.

.

_I can't._

Arthur's hand stopped.

He watched the door.

_I can't face him._

_I can't._

He turned and tried to walk away.

Behind him the door opened.

"Arthur."

Arthur stopped.

_I can't._

"I…"

"I'm sorry." Arthur said suddenly and faced him.

Merlin stood there, watching him uncertainly.

"Why?"

"Because I didn't believe you. Because I stopped trusting you. Because you almost died."

"I did what I have to. I did, what I always do. I protected you, I always protect you. And I'm sorry too, not telling the truth about me before..."

"I can understand that."

"I will die for you if…"

"Don't say it like that! Don't ever say that you would die because of me!"

_Never again, never never…_

"But I'm nothing…"

"Yes you are! Why you can't see it?" Arthur stepped closer. How angry he was! "You are my friend and I never, ever want to lose you. Not like this. You sacrificed yourself! How could you do something like that?"

Merlin lowered his gaze.

"I though… When you said…"

"I was angry! I was wrong…"

They stood there, face to face.

_I can do this. He's still my friend. I have nothing to lose. I can, because of him…_

"Forgive me Merlin."

Merlin smiled.

"Yes, if you forgive me."

"Then, that's that. Now?"

"A hug?"

"No."

* * *

_Thank you for your reviews. I'm so glad. I think that I will wrote the story about what happened before this little aftermath, but before it I leave it to your own imaginations._

_Thank you again._


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